Communication is a key ingredient of a healthy relationship. It helps you understand each other’s perspectives and build trust. There are plenty of communication exercises that couples can benefit from.
My partner and I have been together for over a decade now, and every time someone asks us about how we are so happy together, I tell them that the secret lies in a healthy COMMUNICATION.
Every now and then, we take time to talk things through. We’ve never really had any serious disagreements or fallouts, and I attribute it to the way we communicate with each other.
Shall I spill the beans?
15 Best Communication Exercises for Couples To Bond Better
What you are about to read below is a mix of exercises, as well as some expert tips that will help you improve your communication skills.
Whether you’re dealing with misunderstandings, facing challenges, or looking to improve your communication skills, you’re in the right place.
1. Validate Each Other
One of the best things you can do to uplift each other and strengthen your bond in a relationship is to validate each other from time to time.
Being heard, seen, and appreciated makes one feel whole as a person, and this validation can not only increase the love you have for each other but also boost your confidence in all walks of life.
- Acknowledge the smaller things your partner says by using phrases like “I understand”, “that’s right”, and “you’ve got a point here”, instead of staying silent or nodding.
- Appreciate the smaller things that they do, for instance, if you come home to a neatly stocked fridge, let them know that you appreciate them taking the time out to do this.
2. Do Active Listening
Active listening is one of the most effective couples’ therapy exercises for communication. However, it’s a dying art these days.
We’re either too immersed in our phones or our work that listening to people often becomes a passive activity. This does not work in a relationship.
Remember, your partner is not a podcast. When you’re having a conversation, make sure to drop other things for a while and actively engage yourself in the conversation. Let them feel heard!
- One of the best ways to practice active listening is by maintaining eye contact.
- Lean in when you’re listening to them, and use words of acknowledgment to let them know they’re being heard.
3. Extend Eye Contacts
One of the first lessons I learned in relationships as a young lad was that eye contact is important and that it is an effective tool for nonverbal communication with your partner.
As Tony Montana says in Scarface, “The eyes chico, they never lie”, you must work on your eye contact game as often looking away while talking can be a sign of underconfidence as well as guilt. You don’t want your partner to think that!
- If you feel intimidated or uncomfortable looking at their eyes, a good way to avoid eye contact would be to look at their forehead while talking to them.
- Adding a smile while you are maintaining eye contact is another good move.
4. Use ‘I’ Statements
When it comes to relationships, while ‘we’ are in the focus, you need to make sure that your desires don’t get subservient to the collective that the couple is. “I-statements” are important at times, to ensure that you can express your desires too.
Not just your desires, these statements also help you express how you are feeling better so that your partner knows exactly what is going on in your mind.
- Anytime a couple faces a conflict, ‘I statements’ are important because that is how both sides would know how each other feels in the moment.
- I statements can also diffuse some awkward situations, where instead of blaming something on your partner by saying “You did this”, you can say “I feel like it happened this way”.
5. Lend Me a Hand
You need two to tango! Lend me a hand is an interesting communication exercise for couples making them realize how important it is for both of them to be out there for each other.
In this, both of you tie one hand behind your back, and attempt to do tasks that need two hands (tying your shoelaces, wearing a watch, etc). It is then that you realize how important coordination as a couple is.
- One of the most fun tasks that you can try here is making a sandwich. Not only do you get to bond with your partner, but also get a snack after the task.
- Keep encouraging your partner throughout the task – they’ll feel good and it will boost their confidence levels too.
6. Three and Three
When you write down your feelings, you tend to give them a deeper thought compared to just saying things out loud. ‘Three and Three’ is an exercise where you jot down your thoughts and feelings about your partner.
Here, you write three things that you like about them and three things that you do not, and then exchange the notes with each other.
- When you’re writing the three negative ones, don’t write them to blame your partner. Write them with the motive of helping them on self-improvement.
- When you see the negatives your partner writes about you, don’t respond in anger or defensiveness, but be open about their honesty.
7. Exchange Positive Language
Exchanging positive language in a relationship helps on two levels — firstly, it strengthens the bond between you two, but secondly, it also helps both of you as individuals to feel more confident about yourself.
Positive reinforcement also helps you work on your Emotional Quotient, and provides an emotional safety with each other, allowing you to talk more openly.
- Be specific in your compliments — don’t tell them ‘you’re pretty’. Tell them that you like the way the sun bounces off their face in the morning.
- If you feel thankful about something, let them know, no matter if it is the littlest thing that they’ve done.
8. Do Mirroring
Mirroring is a really useful couple’s communication exercise that ensures that what you are saying gets processed fully.
Here, one partner talks about something that they are feeling at the moment. (I wish you paid more attention to the little things I did), and the other partner would repeat it. (I understand that you are saying that I paid more attention to the little things you did).
This exercise ensures that there’s no miscommunication between the two partners.
- While mirroring, make sure you are not exactly repeating what they said, but are repeating it in a way that comforts your partner that you’ve understood what they are saying.
- Use an empathetic tone and not one that seems like you’re mocking them.
9. Try Sandwiching Technique
Sandwiching is a technique that I’m fond of. It is essentially softening the blow of an uncomfortable request or feedback.
For instance, if you want your partner to do something for you while they are resting, you might want to sandwich it between two other things.
For instance, ask them if they’re up for a movie tonight, ask them to do a chore while you’re away, and ask them if you should bring their favorite wine while coming back.
- Sandwiching is a good technique to soften the blow, but don’t repeat it too often that it feels manipulative.
- Use compliments and positive affirmations in the first and third statements while sandwiching a request.
10. Express Gratitude
Being thankful and expressing gratitude is one of the most cruical communication activities for couples. It’s also something you must do in every relationship of your life. Be it your partner, office colleague, or even a waiter at a diner.
Be thankful for what everyone around you is doing to make your life better. In the case of a couple, it ensures that your partner knows how grateful you are, and you are not taking them for granted.
- Tell them how their little actions make you feel – ‘I feel so cozy when you put the blanket on me at night’.
- Sometimes, I like to leave little handwritten notes letting my partner know how much I appreciate her. This always makes her day.
11. Discuss Things You Like & Don’t Like
In a relationship, it is essential to discuss everything – things you like, as well as the ones you don’t like. Not just about the person you are dating, but about life in general.
Let them know what is going on in your life that you appreciate – and what is something that you do not. This can be a tough conversation at times, but it makes life easier for what’s to come ahead!
- Choose the right time for having such a conversation. Make sure your partner is relaxed and in the right frame of mind for a deep conversation.
- Use sandwiching here – begin and end this conversation with a positive note so your partner doesn’t leave with a bad taste in their mouth at the end of the talk.
12. Practice 40-20-40
A relationship is all about chemistry, but then there’s some math in it too! Decide on a fixed amount of time you want to discuss a serious topic (especially in the case of a disagreement).
Then split the time evenly. Allot 40% of the time to you and your partner to express your side of things, and the remaining 20% of the time should go into conflict resolution, either directly between you or with the help of a counselor.
- Listen actively when your partner is speaking, no matter how hard a conversation it might be. Make them feel heard. Make sure your phone and other distractions are kept away.
- If you choose to go to a counselor, make sure it is decided with mutual agreement or there will always be the anguish of bias.
13. Trust and Listen
This is a fun game that you and your partner could play, which helps increase the trust level between the two of you.
One of the partners puts a blindfold on, while another partner sets up obstacles on the floor (pillows, table, chairs, etc).
The blindfolded partner has to navigate these obstacles with the help of the instructions of the partner who can see. This ensures that you learn how to ‘blindly’ trust one another. Take turns playing this.
- Make sure that the obstacle course you are setting up does not have any sharp objects or something that can hurt your partner (stubbing their toe, etc.)
- Take turns playing this and change the obstacle course at every turn to keep it more interesting and fun.
14. Ask Open-ended Questions
Relationships are not all about the fun times, they also require a level of emotional depth which can be achieved with the help of this exercise.
When you ask each other some open-ended questions, you get to know what the other person’s thoughts and beliefs are, and how they see the world.
Seeing the world through your partner’s eyes is important in understanding their worldview.
- Always make it a point to start with lighter questions and then start a deep conversation.
- Once your partner is done answering, you can answer the same question yourself to let them know what your thoughts are as well.
15. Do Weekly Check-ins
This isn’t just a relationship check-in. You can ask your partner about how their work week has been, how things are at their parents’ house, how some of their friends are doing, etc.
These weekly check-ins can help you keep track of the world around your partner because a lot of it is reflected subconsciously in the relationship, and you can know how to deal with something that stems from there.
- Make sure to follow through on what they say. If they tell you their parents have been struggling with an illness, ask them next week again how they are doing.
- If they tell you about something that they have achieved in their personal or professional lives, make sure to celebrate those small wins. Get a bottle of wine to celebrate that assignment they’ve submitted!
Final Thoughts!
As I leave you with these couples communication exercises, I also want to point out that while these are going to help you foster a stronger bond in your romantic relationship, most of these can also be used in your work life.
Remember, honest and open talks will not only make your relationship better, but it will also help both of you become a better colleague, as well as a better member of the society at large!
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